“Everything is better on the sauce,” writes author Nick Hanson on his blog. As an active drinker for over 25 years, that’s what he thought prior to going to rehab. Ever since the pandemic hit, alcoholism has been on the rise. So the release of Hanson’s book, A Fragile Utopia, couldn’t be more timely. SW Newsmagazine caught up with Nick Hanson to find out how he got sober, has stayed sober for over two years, and his tips on how to avoid drinking during the tough holiday season, when alcohol is most prevalent. In our alcohol-embracing culture, which begs the use of the mind-numbing liquid courage at “gatherings with friends and social events to fuel the conversation,” Hanson found himself up against a monster and feeling utterly defeated. He writes, “Alcohol is everywhere, and it’s impossible to ignore. We don’t live in a sober world.”
In sobriety, Hanson says,
“I had to redefine my perception of what it means to have fun… It wasn’t easy—at least initially. It helped me to reflect on my youth. Some of my fondest memories attending concerts, going to movies, hanging out with friends, going on dates, being outdoors, golfing and celebrating life events were sober in my teens. In subsequent years, alcohol became mandatory in all those activities. In hindsight, recreation wasn’t better under the influence. At best, it was on par. In some cases, it was much worse. As a teenager, and now again as a sober adult, I enjoy the actual activity—not being under the influence.”
In his book, A Fragile Utopia, he writes, “When alcohol becomes paramount, we’re living in a fragile utopia. The walls are about to crumble.” You write on your blog, “Sometimes, I smell a beer and my mouth waters a bit, craving a lengthy swig.”
What do you do to avoid drinking when a craving hits? What tools can you offer an alcoholic in early recovery who experiences those impulses?
NH: When you get a craving, the best thing you can do in recovery is play the tape forward—look into the future. Ask yourself what would theoretically happen if you actually had a drink or used your drug of choice? Chances are that the outcome would not be good. It wouldn’t take long for you take envision all kinds of terrible scenarios unfolding that would really screw up any progress you’ve made in recovery. Often, that’s enough to quell a craving. It also helps to have a strong support community of other people in recovery to call or talk to when you are struggling. Typically, these people shouldn’t be close family or friends—they don’t understand what you’ve been through or what it’s like to be in active addiction. The only people who can provide that support are ones who have been in the trenches of active addiction. They can often help talk you off the ledge.
You say, in sobriety, “The sky is the limit. That’s why it’s hard to grasp the reality that 19 months ago, I was barely functioning as an adult.”
Tell us a little bit about how you went from having a moderate drinking problem to an unmanageable life?
Advancing from a social drinker to moderate drinking to heavy drinking to an unmanageable life in addiction is often a prolonged, gradual process that doesn’t happen in one key moment or quickly. It can take years, often decades to develop a full-blown alcohol abuse disorder—and go from functional to unmanageable. The journey often includes lots of ups and downs and can include some type of trauma to exacerbate the problem. For me, as I continued to drink over about 20 years, it just gradually became more frequent over time. There wasn’t a moment in my life that didn’t deserve a drink—good times, bad times and even ugly times. There was always justification to pick up a drink and escape. If I had to choose one specific moment where my drinking really became unmanageable, it was shortly after the COVID-19 pandemic began. It had a hugely devastating impact on my mental, social and physical health—which ultimately led to more unhealthy coping and justification in extreme intoxication.
On your blog, you write about the disheartening facts you face in sobriety: “The relationships are still hard to manage. Your kids are loud and need lots of attention. People bother you. Drivers cut you off in traffic. Money is tight. The winter is cold.”
Can you dispel some of the myths about what early sobriety looks like?
Early sobriety will not be easy. To achieve sobriety, you must have a strong desire to be sober. Your brain has been trained to drink in nearly every scenario—often for years. You literally have to rewire the pathway in your brain that triggers dopamine so that it doesn’t put out an agonizing SOS signal to drink or use every time life happens. That can take up to 1.5 years or so. Knowing that you will have triggers and cravings helps you manage them and succeed. Support programs, such as AA, help. Exercise and healthy eating are useful. Mental health vehicles, such as therapy or couples therapy, can be useful. Additionally, it is unreasonable to anticipate significant sympathy from others during your recovery process. There is still a big stigma of people who suffer from addiction as “weak.” That’s why it can be useful to find others who are in recovery to build a strong support system in those early stages. The cravings will subside, and sobriety will get easier, especially if you can make it past the initial 3–6 months.
For lots of people, the holidays are a triggering time. Being around family and friends who are drinking. Gatherings at bars, and restaurants where alcohol is free-flowing.
What tips can you offer an addict in early recovery on how to deal with these occasions as a non-drinker?
Attending events where you previously drank or used substances can feel awkward during the early stages of sobriety. It takes time. However, the world is not a sober place. And if you simply stay home all the time, then you’re not living life. Give yourself plenty of grace early. Only commit to one or two hours at a holiday party, gathering, or happy hour. Go with someone who supports your sobriety. Have a plan in place to exit if necessary. It’s okay to simply leave if you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. If the sole purpose of the activity is to get drunk, then you should probably skip it.
It’s key to remember, Hanson says, “Life happens. Even when you’re sober.” Followed by his optimistic takeaway, however, “Each day brings joy.”
A Fragile Utopia is available on Amazon.
To find an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in your area, visit Alcoholics Anonymous
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